YOU DID WHAT?
by Jak Stark
Summary: KURAMAS ON POT? WHAT! No, wait, that makes plenty of sense. What are Hiei and Yusuke going to do at the YMCA during Kurama's addicts class? Maybe anger management? Flamers welcome. I am so gonna get burned! stupid fangirls Hugs Hiei picture NOT GAY!
1. Default Chapter

YOU DID WHAT?!?!?

This is the first chapter of my first story, and it is already sick. Please review. Also, if you are on , please join the HieixKurama Flame Club. The only Requirments are to belong to , and you have to hate Hiei/Kurama Love stories. all you have to do is FLAME THEM WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR LIVES!!!Next chapter coming soon.Good burning.

"You did WHAT?!?!?!" Yusuke bellowed. "Sure, I smoke, but I smoke cigarettes!"

"I don't know why you're so surprised Yusuke," Kurama calmly whispered. "I've been smoking pot for two hundred years. What should be bothering you is that you were searching another man's room."

"You're a GUY!!!" Yusuke exasperatedly exclaimed. "But…But…The roses… and… and…EVERYTHING!!!"

"My, today is full of surprises isn't it Yusuke." Kurama said. "I always thought that my unnaturally airy personality and irrationally vague train of thought would give away my drug use. I doesn't matter now though, after two hundred years my window of opportunity to quit is long past."

Maybe that was true when you were young, but the Japanese branch of the Y.M.C.A. has conveniently just opened up around the corner."

Kurama simply stared into space.

But he than said, in a voice that was the highest example of high he said, "Have you ever looked at your thumb? I mean _REALY_ looked at your thumb?"

"I'm calling Hiei." Yusuke stated.


	2. YOU DID WHAT? ch2

YOU DID WHAT?!?!?

part 2

Thank you for your mostly pleasant reviews. Please review this chapter as well, and sorry for the length of the last chapter.

"I can't believe I agreed to go with you two to this… _thing._" complained Hiei. He was in the back seat of the car, because he is not tall enough for the front seat. Yusuke and Kurama are in the front.

"And yet you are here." said the slightly lucid Kurama.

"But why couldn't that Baka Nigen Kuwabara come?" Hiei further complained.

Yusuke answered, "Kuwabara died about two weeks ago. Right after we came home from the Dark Tournament, he found out he was allergic to cats. As you can imagine, they found his headless body on the street with a note describing the torture of his last few days without his kittens."

Hiei then gave his ultimate catch phrase, "Hn. That is no excuse not to help a friend in need."

"And simple un-willingness is a valid excuse?" Kurama questioned.

For a moment Hiei was silent, but the he muttered out a "Yes."

"Well, we're here now so stop complaining." Yusuke said, as they turned into the badly built parking lot of the Y.M.C.A. "After we take Kurama into his class, you can do what ever you want. Maybe meet a girl or something."

"OOOOOHHHHH, Hiei's goanna get a girl friend!" Kurama said in a voice that was unbelievably childish.

"Once again, HN." (do I really need to tell you who said that?) Said Hiei.

The threesome is silent, save for the random drug induced giggles of Kurama, as they meandered through the halls of the child ravaged, smoke filled, overly chlorinated halls of the Y.M.C.A., finally arriving at a door, lovingly labeled, 'Druggy Room, please sign in upon entrance.' Names were cut into the wood of the door, and a knife was hanging on a string from a hole where the door knob should have been.

"This looks friendly." Yusuke muttered as they entered the room. He approached the most lucid appearing character in the room, who was seemingly trying to fly. Yusuke inquired of the boy who couldn't fly without a motor, "Which of you crackheads is the instructor of this course?"

The man paused in his rapid arm flapping just in time to be missed by Hiei's blade (lucky _and _a stoner). The 'bird' looked around confusedly, then started to franticly jump up and down, drool running down his face, and finger pointed in the direction of a completely wasted drug addict, belly-up on the floor. He also had drool running down his face, and he smelled strongly of…bad smelliness.

"Maybe we shouldn't leave Kurama here." Yusuke said to Hiei.

"Don't be a fool; this is the best place for him." Hiei had an enormous grin on his face not seen by Yusuke since… actually; I don't think Hiei smiles in the presence of Yusuke. Hiei then dragged Yusuke by his hair from the room, leaving Kurama to stare emptily into the crowd of stoners.


	3. Hiei

**Chapter Three**

**(A.K.A. I can't believe it took me _this long_ to update)**

**Hiei**

Hiei and Yusuke had gone there own ways after Hiei finally let go of Yusukes' hair. Hiei to the lounge, and who cares where Yusuke went?

Hiei sits in the lounge with his Bandana partially covering his eyes, with his feet up on a table. It looks like he is sleeping, but we know Hiei, he is watching everything that goes on in the room. A man who looks strong for a human, and who looks very cross walks past into an off hallway in the lounge. A few moments later, he walks back with a vanilla ice cream cone.

A single thought drifts through Hiei's ever focused Mind:

"Sweeeet Snoooow…"

And with a sound that sounded very much like 'VOSCHK', Hiei was gone and reappeared in the off hallway. To his immense surprise, their where three machines. One sold drinks, one made change, and one dispensed sweet snow… From somewhere in the folds of his cloak, he extracted $1.50 and inserted it into the machine.

He

Pressed The

Button

Only to

Find

That the

Cross

Human…

Had bought the last ice cream.

With a shriek of rage, Hiei instantly appeared on top of the cross man, and he hadn't thought enough to even draw his blade, instead (from what I can see from the Anime-esque silhouette) he dug his hands into the mans chest and ripped them out in two different directions, which came with a spurting of blood that would have shocked anyone under the age of 24. (or for some of us, "OOOOO PRETTY BLOOD!")

But through the shrieks came the sound of footsteps, and these were not familiar footsteps. Without thinking, Hiei grabbed the now dead man, Voschked into the locked babysitting room, and stuffed the body into the closet that he found inside. He then Voschked back to the lounge, in his original relaxed position. With one difference. An Elderly woman entered the lounge, looked over at Hiei, and said, "Jim, what are doing in the lounge when the anger management is about start?" The difference? Hiei had the Humans name tag. Or to be specific, Jim the anger management supervisors name tag.


	4. Chapter 4

(Omg, I am so sorry it has taken this long to update… school is starting soon so these should be coming much more often…)

**Chapter 4**

**Hiei (still)**

The thoughts that must have gone through Hiei's mind as a strange old woman dragged him to teach a group of angry nigens how to manage their anger are unimaginable, but definitely a combination of gruesome murderous impulses and a quick but smooth techno beat. When they finally arrived in the small room, the horrible hag began to speak, "Alright Jim, get your supplies out of the closet, your patients will be here soon."

"I hate you." Grumbled Hiei.

"Come now Jim, you know my hearing aint what it used to be. Don't be mumblin' around me, a'right?" And with that, she hobbled out of the room.

Now for a slightly unrelated topic. The problem with all Samurai, is that stupid honor code. Defend the people, kill the people, keep your promises, all that. Hiei, I think, also has an honor code. If he starts something he must finish it. Unfortunately for him, the first "patient" arrived before he could even think to move. He could have killed her right then, but then what would he do while he waited for Kurama to finish?

"Good morning. Please stand in a line along the back wall while we await the rest of the class." Hiei growled. (now it is time for a fluffy time elapse moment, where unfortunately, nothing else interesting is happening… As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in school)

The class stood in front of Hiei in a messy line against the wall. Behind him stood various items, all of which are too unimportant for me to mention. The class had eleven people. Ten tall, red-faced men; and one small, lithe, smirking women.

This is already boring… Hiei thought.

"You," He pointed to a random man, "What if the hokey pokey really _is_ what it's all about?"

"Um.." the man started. And then suddenly, he was missing his head.

"WRONG! Because I used the word if any answer he could give could be misconstrued as wrong, so perhaps I over reacted. However I am prone to overreacting." The entire group gulped simultaneously. Forget boring. This day may even be _productive_, Hiei thought.

"Alright, line up, we are going to do some physical work to help soothe your "anger."" He approached a punching bag. "This is what I want you to do" He jumped into the air, and performed a 'fist of the mortal flame' which of course obliterated the punching bag. And some of the floor. And one of the guys. Oh well. "Now I want you to line up and do the sa-" but he was interrupted by the woman, who asked tentatively, "Jim? Where did your shirt go?"

"Shit" answered Hiei. "WHERE DO THEY KEEP GOING?" Bellowed Hiei. Another guy burst into flames, only to have his dust carried off by a non-existent wind.

"Sorry I asked," said the woman. "Its just strange when someone kills three people and then decides to strip…"

"DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU! I'LL DO IT!" Shrieked Hiei.

"Sure you will Jim, sure you will."

"GAAAAH!" A katana appears out of thin air (in reality, the force of Hieis' gaaaahing broke the dimensional barrier, causing his sword to appear on this plane. COOOOKY.). Without a moments hesitation, Hiei attacks, only to find that he seems to have misjudged his aim. The women didn't move, but his sword ended up just next to her head. He swung his blade sideways from where it already was to go straight for her throat, but just as before, his sword was just to short, and ended on the other side of her neck without any damage to her.

"Why should you even bother to carry a weapon when you obviously don't know how to handle it?" the girl said, apparently oblivious that she was avoiding the sword.

Needles to say, Hiei did not like that remark one bit. He stepped back, pulled his sword down into a stabbing position, and launched himself at the girl all in one smooth, deadly movement. However (yep, you guessed it), where Hiei expected to feel tearing flesh through his sword, and see blood spurting from the women's body, he found his sword to be piercing only air. The girl giggled. The huge men giggled. (WHATS WITH THE GIGGLES? DIDN'T YOU ALL SEE THOSE GUYS GET KILLED?) Outraged as always, Hiei let out a burst of energy set to kill. Bodies of men were seen strewn about the room, although most were not dead. On the other hand, it wasn't aimed at them was it.

"Giggle"

"SHIT! HOW CAN YOU STILL BE ALIVE?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me where your shirt went." said the girl defiantly.

Hiei gaped at the girl, and with that, walked out of the room, suddenly doubting everything he knew about life. A man crawled from the wreckage, through the halls of the Y, and into the membership office, where he promptly started the "I Survived Anger Management" group.

End of chapter (WOOOOOO)

ummmm… form now on, I've decided that if you have a question pertaining to this fic, please post them in your reviews, and I will anser them here. At this point in end of each chapter. I have none yet.

I do not own yu yu hakusho, it owns me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch…um… it's been so long since I've updated I don't remember…**

**Yusuke**

Hiei and Yusuke had gone there own ways after Hiei finally let go of Yusuke's hair. Hiei to who-knows-where, and Yusuke to the pool area. Why to the pool you ask? To see girls wearing almost nothing bouncing around before they dive into the pool of course. However, as you know, this is the YMCA. Most of the guys at the pool were trying to do the same thing as Yusuke, and those who weren't were hoping that the guys would be watching _them._ You would think that this would disappoint Yusuke, but he is quite the trooper. Instead of sulking, he decided to mess with the heads of anyone who looked even semi-happy until they cried. How you ask? Invisible somethings poking you in the head over and over would make you cry too, and Yusuke has the power to create such torturous devices (poor annoyed people…). Once Yusuke became bored (which wouldn't have happened had there not been anymore people to make cry) he left the pool area to find a place in which he could 1) projectile vomit at the thought of staying in this horrid place any longer 2) Sleeping. Obviously, he would prefer to sleep, but if that becomes impossible… Yusuke managed to find the lounge, which is fortunate, as he was beginning to give up (shudder). For those of you that don't know, the lounge also has off-rooms in which you play racquet ball, called racquet ball courts. These can be very peaceful, especially when there is no one else inside, banging a ball against a wall over and over again, bringing with it a maddening echo from hell…um…where was I…right, very peaceful. So in Yusuke went, out went Yusuke's lights.

Through the veil of sleep, Yusuke heard the door to his court opening. He became staggeringly aware of everything around him, despite the fact that he still had his eyes closed, in a clever semblance of sleep. As the person crept closer, Yusuke prepared a spirit gun (quietly of course. All that yelling isn't necessary, but what fun would it be without it?), hoping that he didn't end up killing _another_ innocent bystander. The cops said if he did it again there might be a fine…

Then the person started shrieking (oh the horrible echoes…) "YUSUKE YOU BUM! GET UP AND HELP ME OUT!" Yusuke re-absorbed the energy from the spirit gun, but continued to 'sleep'. He knew who it was, and he really didn't feel like getting up… "YOU STUPID LUGHEAD, I KNOW YOUR AWAKE!" And then, because she really didn't have anything better to do, she kicked him with all her might (since this is Yu Yu, there was probably an upskirt, but I'm going to ignore that), and Yusuke collapsed comically around the foot.

Yusuke then looked up and said, "Keiko, if you knew I was awake, then why did you kick so hard?"

"I don't know, why didn't you answer me in the first place!" Keiko screamed back.

Yusuke smirked, "I asked you first."

"Why do I even put up with you! Come on, I've got a job for you to do…" She then mumbled a few things. I _might _have heard a few of the things she said, but you can't rate a fic NC17, so I won't. They walked back down the hallway into the lounge (or rather, Keiko walked, Yusuke was dragged across the ground) and into the baby sitting room, which was now unlocked and full of (shudder) _children_.

"Now Yusuke, My helper and I have been running this baby sitting room for over a week, and we've been doing a good job. Today though, I need to go out, so you will have to take my place for now."

"Okay, one, why me, and two, where do you have to go that is so much more important than my comfort and happiness?" Poor, tactless Yusuke. I would've thought even he would know that he'd phrased that wrong…

Keiko kicked Yusuke in response, somehow managing to be even more violent than the last time. This gained Yusuke venomous giggles from most of the children. Keiko called into the crowd, "Yukina, I have to go out for that _thing_ now. Yusuke will be taking my place for now."

"Hey, I don't see any Yuki-." He stopped abruptly as the form of a girl made of small children rose from the ocean of children. It wasn't until the children began to fall off of the form was Yusuke sure that it was Yukina, and not some monster created by the pure will of so many children…

"Hi Yusuke, as you can probably see, we're a little busy today, so if you could just entertain some of the children?" and before Yusuke could think of a scathing response, "Thanks a bunch!" Then she disappeared back into the ocean of children. A toy was launched at Yusuke's head from somewhere, and it hit with precision and power. It really pissed him off, and he would have started killing if he didn't dread the beating that Hiei would give him if he found out that Yusuke had traumatized his little sister. Yusuke isn't quite stupid enough to _tell_ Hiei, but he was so short that he could actually be hiding here and Yusuke would never notice (although what Hiei would be doing in baby sitting, I still do not know.). More toys were thrown at Yusuke's head, as if they'd made a sport out of it (that's right, THEM).

Yusuke noticed that some of them were laughing at Yusuke's head trauma, and he realized that as long as they kept throwing things at him, they'd be entertained and both Yukina and Keiko would be happy with him. Besides, it wasn't as if the toys hurt. All he had to do was wait it out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yet another chapter.**

**Kurama**

**(AKA, a religion is born)**

Once Hiei and Yusuke left, Kurama had an opportunity to examine his surroundings and try to find out exactly what he was supposed to do while in this…room. Instead, he grabbed a joint out of the mouth of someone who had recently passed out, and sat down against the wall. This peacefulness didn't last long, as a group of men in various states of high approached Kurama.

One stepped forward. You would think that the representative of the group would be the most lucid (in other words least high) of the group, but as he began to speak, it became obvious that this had not occurred to them.

"You being is a pretty girl…"

"Are you moving your lips at me?" Asked Kurama.

"No, I is moving my lips at the wall." The man meant to be sarcastic, but in his state and that of those listening to him, it was a fruitless attempt.

"Oh. Okay then." Grunted Kurama.

"No, I didn't mean that. I was being sarcastic you stoner." said the man.

"Who are you calling a stoner you crack head?" tossed back Kurama.

"DEMS IS FIGHTEN' WORDS!" shouted a random man. Actually, I'm pretty sure that this particular man wasn't listening to this conversation, but his timing was impeccable. The representative of the Stoner Party stepped forward and threw a punch at Kurama's face. Normally, Kurama would be able to dodge such a thing, but as he is high as a kite at this point, the punch landed. It didn't hurt, but it did suffice to totally piss off Kurama.

"ROSE WIP!" Kurama bellowed (quietly. Kurama just isn't loud enough to bellow for real.). Out of nowhere, he pulled out a rose, which extended to about 10 feet, and wrapped its end loosely on the floor around Kurama's feet.

"Collective gasp!" gasped the crowd. Some random guy who probably had no idea where he was began bowing to Kurama, babbling in some language. Being stupid, and human, everyone else in the room combined the two events and came to these two conclusions: 1) The man was speaking in tongues because 2) Kurama is a god and the babbling man is his prophet. The reason why a god would need a prophet when he could just as easily talk to the people continues to elude me, but I was not there when this happened (my support group meets on Thursday mornings.). They all followed the first man in babbling like stoned morons.

One man stood and shouted, "HAIL THE ALL POWERFUL GODDESS!"

The remaining stoners followed suit. One crossed his arms over his chest, and would pump them up and down with each intonation of the aforementioned phrase. Once again, everyone began to follow, and soon they adopted both of these things as the beginning of a new religion, forgetting who really did them first and claiming that it was all placed in their heads by 'The All Powerful Goddess.' Hence a religion is born.

Despite his lofty state of being, Kurama almost immediately understood the power that came with his new position, and because of his lofty state of being declared, "My followers!" everyone became silent, "I have only one decree! All in my dominion shall smoke joints!" A great cheer from the crowd. Kurama raised his hands for silence, and it was given to him. "Also! My followers shall not eat hotdogs, as they are sinful!" Another cheer. Not quiet as enthusiastic as the first, but it was there.

One man shouted, "Wait a minute! You said that you only had one decree, but that was two!"

After a moment of silence, Kurama commanded, "DESTROY THE NON-BELIEVER, AND YOUR REWARDS SHALL BE GREAT!" As if a button was pressed, the cult of crack-heads went at the 'non-believer' in such violent ways that I would be arrested just for telling you about them.

Once they were finished with the blasphemer, there was a resounding cheer, and shouts of "Hail the Goddess!" resonated throughout the room. It was a beautiful sight.

Once again, Kurama motioned for silence. "My people! Within the halls of this very YMCA, there is a treasure! An unbelievable treasure, with which you will be able to raise your children, and your children's children, and so on! Hidden within these walls is the largest natural deposit of crack, dope, and weed, and it is ours for the taking!" The crowd cheered again, so loud this time that it echoed throughout the small room. Several people took him much too seriously and began licking the walls. "All you must do to find it is to follow me!" With that, Kurama marched towards the exit, then out of the room, taking a left down the hall. All at once, the members of the newly founded Druggists followed their Goddess, in search of the holy grail of drugs.


	7. Children can be real demons

Holy Shit…three chapters this week?

Yusuke

This toy throwing went on for quiet a while after we last checked in on Yusuke. For him, time slows with every whack in the head he receives from these toys of doom. It is only a matter of time before he cracks and kills something without mercy…

"WHERE THE HELL IS YUKINA?" Yusuke thought to himself. The most likely situation is that she suffocated from being under so many children…but I can't actually kill Yukina, so I won't be showing that. All Yusuke could think was "must. not. destroy. small people." He made his way to the nearby closet in an attempt to hide and get a small respite from the torture. His progression was slowed by the weight of _things_ holding onto his legs, and more _things_ getting in the way of his feet. He plodded along, as if in quicksand, his goal slowly getting nearer. Finally, he made it to the closet, and with some trouble, he opened it. He then launched himself in, and the closet door swung closed due to the force of so many children. Once inside, an unpleasant smell interrupted his attempts at rest. A foul smell that he'd only smelt once before, when he was standing next to his own dead and slowly decaying body. He slowly turned his head to get a look at what he knew would be a corpse, and when his eyes finally adjusted to the light, that was exactly what he saw. The corpse of a bulky human, who looked his skin would've been very red had there been any blood left in it. The chest was ripped open and a few of the insides seemed to be missing, although in this light Yusuke could've easily been mistaken. It was disgusting, and Yusuke had no doubt that Hiei had had a hand in this. By the looks of it, he had had both hands in it, but we can't get to particular with someone as stupid as Yusuke. He then heard something that you usually don't hear when you're alone with a dead body. Breathing that was not his. He looked up slowly, and saw two glowing red orbs sitting close to each other, and it seemed that these orbs were breathing. Then a mouth appeared, open with shiny white teeth that looked pointy enough to bite straight through Yusuke's head (which is quite thick.).

The glowing eyes and mouth began to speak to Yusuke In a deep, growling voice, "I'm sorry, but you're too late to get any blood. This one is dry. It was quiet delicious, and I am truly sorry to have deprived you of such a wonderful feeding opportunity." at this point Yusuke was freaked out, not for his own safety, but that of the children. It wasn't as if he cared about the children, but if they died, Keiko would do much worse than killing him.

Yusuke said, "What the hell are you, and why are you here?"

The eyes and mouth spoke again, "Well, my big sister left me here so she could go to her anger management class." as she said this, the eyes shrank some, lost their glow, and began to look like normal eyes. The mouth also shrank into a normal looking mouth, with normal sized teeth. It began to speak in a voice more suited to a little girl than to a demon. "As to what I am, what do you care? All you need to know is that my name is Tamy, and you're goanna help take care of me today." Yusuke's eyes got wide (although no one could see that in this light), and he slowly walked out of the closet. Instantly, more toys were thrown at him, and he saw a little girl in a blue and white checkered dress follow him out of the closet. She had blonde hair, and looked like a fairly normal child. Except for the horn shaped pigtails. She picked up a toy and threw it at Yusuke, and started giggling like…well…a little girl. The next one she threw at him was slightly melted by the time it left her hand. It had been fine before she picked it up.

"This is going to be hell…" Yusuke thought. "…and there is nothing I can do about it…shit."


End file.
